She Is Gone

My last day in Seattle was cloudy and gray.  Although this is fairly common Seattle weather, it was not common for my trip.  Up until that last day, the skies were blue and bright.  Everywhere we went, people commented on how beautiful the weather was - almost as if they couldn't believe it.  As we wandered the city, we saw people sprawled across any available green area, enjoying the sunshine.   I loved it...I felt as if Kenley and I had brought the sunlight with us.   And when that last day dawned with the heavy softness of clouds, I knew it was time to go home.   That last day, we ventured into downtown Edmonds - a small suburb of Seattle.  The downtown area was just a few cross streets of small shops and cafes.  Very quaint and adorable.  The chilly, gray afternoon added to the ambiance of a pacific northwest town square.  We walked in to a small stationary shop - the kind full of journals and thank you cards, fountain pens and knick-knacks.   As I browsed the shelves, I came across a book entitled " Better Because of You".   The title and the bright yellow color enticed me.   I always want to think that I am better because of Kenley - and not worse because of what happened.   I picked up the book and opened to a random page - as I tend to do.   The book turned out to be a collection of quotes, stories, and poems relating to a smattering of topics.   The page I randomly opened to started the category "Death".   This poem was the first entry.  

She Is Gone 

By, David Harkins

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want; smile, open your eyes, love, and go on

Now, even though I like to think that when I see Owls, Kenley is saying hello to me,  I really only half-heartedly believe that.  I realize I am just clinging to her memory through tangible reminders, and I am usually only a believer in signs when they comfort me.  But, this moment in this store made me take a minute to pause.   On this gray and melancholy day, this is what I needed to see.   This is the message I needed to hear.  This poem embodies everything I am trying to do in the wake of her death.  And, even though I don't truly know if someone was trying to tell me something, I still am grateful I was able to hear it.