There is a saying that goes something like, "You come into this world alone and you go out alone, yet it seems to me you are more alone while living than while coming or going." I disagree with this statement. When you come into this world, you are far from alone. In fact, you are the least alone you will ever be. You are actually physically connected to another person. You and your mother are tied together. You shared blood and oxygen. Not too long before your birth, her food choices affected your activity level. Her voice echoed within her own body to reach your ears. You were in no way alone.
In a way, this comforts me regarding Kenley's death. When she died, she was not alone - she was with me. She died surrounded by warmth and comfort. She died connected to me - to the sounds of my breathing and beating heart - maybe even to the sound of my voice. She did not die alone.
The second part of that quote talks about being alone while living. While, ultimately, we all face our challenges and successes with only our own consciousness controlling us, we are still not truly alone. We are only alone if we specifically choose to be. If we push others away. If we refuse help. If we are callous or condescending. I have learned many things in these past few months - one of them being the nature of human beings. We need each other. Like a house of cards, we lean on and support each other throughout our lives. In the early days, we depended on each other for physical survival - like food and shelter. Although we still do that today, it's not on such a personal level. But, we do depend on each other for moral support. Family, friends, lovers, we all need at least one other person in our lives to keep us going. Even though we all fight our own battles, we still share the same war.
Sometimes, it's hard not to feel alone. It's hard when you feel like you are the only one who really knows your pain. When you don't think that anyone truly understands what it's like to be you. While it's true that no one has 100% comprehension of the inner emotions of others, we all want to understand each other. We do. We just don't always know how to navigate the walls we all put up in protection of ourselves.
We have to remember that everyone is really just doing the best they can. To work through their own pain. To understand the pain of someone else. We are all working hard to find our path, to stay in the light, and to find others who will travel alongside us.
And when it is time for us to take our exit, the connections we made throughout our lives are still with us. The memories of all the people we've met along our journey swirl in our hearts and souls and wrap around us as we make our way out of this life. If we are lucky, we live on in the thoughts of those who stay behind.
So, in my opinion, even though there are moments where we might feel alone and deserted, we are not. We just have to be willing to see the hands outstretched in the darkness. We have to be willing to be one of those hands for someone else. That quote is wrong.
If I were to rewrite it more accurately, I might say something like this:
"We come into this world completely connected to another human being. If we work hard enough, we will never lose our connection with others, and when we leave this world, our connection is not severed because those we leave behind carry our memory with them into eternity."
I know it's a hard feat to accomplish - staying connected. Feeling connected. I have learned the hard way that life isn't easy and nothing is guaranteed. My daughter lived her entire life connected to me. She was never alone. Neither am I. Neither are you. And that brings me peace.