Photo Finish

When I was little one of my favorite books was the Sesame Street book "There's a Monster at the End of this Book".  In this book, Grover sees the title of the book and spends the rest of the book freaking out because he is afraid of the monster at the end.  He builds a wall of bricks, which is knocked down when you turn the page.  He ties the pages together with rope, but the reader just pulls it right down.   All the while, he can't believe you are continuing to turn the pages because there is a monster at the end.  Why would you keep heading straight for the monster?  Then, you get to the last page, and all you see is Grover.  He is the monster.  Doesn't he feel silly?  All this time, he was scared of nothing.   Fair warning, I am posting a picture of my baby girl at the end of this post.  She is definitely not a monster, but I kind of feel like people sometimes react to seeing her picture a little like Grover.   They don't want to see her.  They don't want to open the photo album that contains her.   They squirm.  They shift.   They look out of politeness, or they politely decline.

I know everyone is entitled to doing what makes them comfortable.  But, I can't help it, it makes me mad!  I was writing a post the other day and thought I'd pop her picture on the end of it.   I worried about it bothering people, and I asked Mike if he thought I should do it.   He said it was my blog and I could do what I wanted, but it might make people upset.   I ultimately decided against it for that particular post, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I became.  Why shouldn't I be able to show people pictures of my baby?  Everyone else can post pictures and videos of their children, smiling, laughing, playing in pools.  No one avoids looking at those pictures.   They get comments like "Sooo cute",  "Aww, she's so precious!", and "What a little swimmer!"  No one is uncomfortable.

I had a baby, just like all of these people.  I carried her inside for 36 weeks.  I loved her.  I nurtured her.  My baby is beautiful and special and wonderful, just like everyone else's.   The only difference is, I only got one shot for pictures of my baby.   I only have four.  I will always only have four, and in all of them, she looks like she's taking a nap.  Although, we all know that she's not.   And that's the clincher.  That's the tiny detail that makes everything so different.   But, I am just as proud of a mama as any other mother.   I want to show you pictures of my baby.  I want to share my joy and my love with you.  I want you to marvel with me at how beautiful her face is.  What a full head of hair she has.  I want what every other mother has - a baby she can show off.  

Now, I am not posting her picture at the end of this post to fish for compliments.  I am posting it because I need to share her.   I need you to see what I see - a beautiful, fabulous little girl.   My little girl.   My Kenley Evelyn.  She's not the monster at the end of the book.   She's the love at the start of my heart.