But, since she's left this earth, she's also left my dreams. Kicking me while I'm down. One more way I no longer have her. One more way to feel empty. I don't know why I haven't dreamt of her. Perhaps its my subconscious trying to protect me from more pain. After all, how would I feel to dream of her and feel her a part of me again, only to have that snatched away by the cruel hand of morning? I admit, it would devastate me. But, I am already devastated. Why can't I have just a few moments of fantasy? Just a few more minutes with her - even if it's not real, even if it's just a dream? I miss her. If I can't hold her in real life, why can't I hold her in my dreams? Why is she gone? I feel betrayed by my own brain.
Maybe tonight, I'll go to sleep and she'll be there. Maybe tonight, I'll hold her again. I'll feel her weight in my arms. Maybe tonight, she'll do what she couldn't do before. Laugh, cry, breathe...live. If not tonight, maybe tomorrow. If not tomorrow, maybe the next night. She has to return to me sometime. When she does, I'll be waiting.