Friday, April 12, 2013
Wearing My Star
I wasn't expecting to write this post as I ran out the door, but something happened I wanted to share. Today is"Wear a Star Day". Anyone participating wore a star to honor and remember their lost children - their stars in the heavens. I didn't really have anything to wear and I haven't been in a shopping mood for quite a while, so I made a quick star to honor Kenley with a clothespin. I painted it teal and then wrote her name on it, drawing a star at the top of the clothespin. I wasn't prepared for how seeing her name written on that clothespin would affect me. It's hard to see. I took a picture of it and then started to cry. My baby's name, written on a clothespin so I can honor her memory. Her memory. That's all she is now. That is hard to deal with, and I don't expect it to really get any easier. But, you better believe I am going to remember the heck out of her. Not just today, but every day. Every day, I will carry her star with me, safely nestled inside my heart.
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Her memory is inspriation
ReplyDeleteinspiring great actions that will impact others.
Her memory is hope
hoping for her mom and dad to one day have full smiles on their faces as they smile down on her siblings as her spirit wraps around you in warmth and permission to continue to love without her in your arms.
Her memory is the reminder of gratitude
the gratitude that I feel each time I think of my teenagers and how they may drive me nuts sometime. Since reading your blog I no longer focus on this. Instead I focus on the qualities my children possess which impact others in a positive way.
You know if I could I would learn all of these lessons in a different way, I would.
If only the assurances that I gave you a year ago...that it would all work out had come true as I so optimistically believed that they would.
Now we have learned a horrible truth...that for some stupid reason they don't, as Tonia said, sometimes bad things just happen.
Your daughter, the beautiful baby girl thoughtfully named Kenley Evelyn, born sleeping with a headful of brown hair, every strand of which you earned with heartburn if the old wives' tale is true but did not get to put in pigtails is so much MORE than a memory. I know that this will never be enough, but please know that everyday she is making an impact on the lives of so many. I am so sorry she is not in your arms though, where she belongs.