Truth or Dare

If you were ever in 5th grade, and I'm sure most of you were, you are familiar with the game Truth or Dare. Choose Truth and answer a probing question with complete honesty. Choose Dare and be obligated to perform a task outside of your comfort zone. You had no idea whether or not you were going to be forced to admit your crush on Alan Radwanski (man, that spiky hair gave my 11 year old heart such flutters!) or if you were going to have to do cartwheels in your backyard wearing your underwear on the outside of your clothes. (I...ahem..never did that.  Mainly because I can't cartwheel to save my life)

I feel a little like I have been playing a game of Truth or Dare with myself these last few weeks. In watching my blog post explode in the loss community, in having nurses and doctors thank me for my insight, in being a part of the sharing of such an important message, I have had to admit several truths.

Truth #1: I am excited.
 I am excited that my writing has reached so many and continues to spread. I am excited people are sharing my words and that I have been able to open the eyes of many as well as validate the feelings of others. I am excited to be making a difference in my little loss community.
Truth #2: I am terrified. 
 I am afraid I won't know how to take this as far as I would like it to go. I am afraid the paper wings will burn up before I can get my craft off the ground. I am afraid I am not good enough to make this happen, and that this entire movement is a fluke with an approaching expiration date. If I can make this bigger, I am afraid I won't do my sisters in loss justice. I am afraid I won't be able to be the spokesperson my community needs. I am afraid I will let down those whose hopes I have been building up.
Truth #3: I feel lost.
 I don't know where to go from here. I would love for my letter and video to be a part of regular training for medical and nursing students or for continuing education credits for those already in the profession. I would love to speak at conventions and conferences. I would love to put together a presentation that would be both moving and informative for anyone participating. I would love for hospital staff all over to use their training to seamlessly help a Heartbroken Mother as she says hello and goodbye to her beautiful baby. I want to make a difference, but I don't know what I'm doing. Really, I have no idea.
Truth #4: I believe in my message. 
Whatever happens, I will work hard to go as far as I can. I am committed to this cause and I will see it through to the best of my ability.

In addition to these truths, I have also been daring myself to push farther and make the biggest impact I possibly can.

Dare #1: I dared myself to ask for pictures to make a video. Everyone responded to the letter so intensely, I had a vision to create something that would have even more impact. I thought making a video of the letter would get the message out even more. So, I asked for photographs of our precious children, and I received them. I have been working on this video for a week and am needing to untie some red tape before wrapping it up. (See Truth #1)
 Dare #2: I am daring myself to pursue the presentation aspect of the letter. I want to contact hospitals instead of waiting for them to contact me. I am not sure how to go about this or what the response would be, but I want to put myself out there as a willing presenter for their staff's training. (See Truth #2 and 3)
Dare #3: I am daring myself to share my blog post with the "Celebrities" of the loss community. Carly Marie, Sean Hanish, Still Standing, The STILL project. I haven't gotten to that point yet. I'm not very good at tooting my own horn. Whenever I do, I feel like a fraud and a shameless self-promoter. I need to get over myself and remember that this isn't about ME, it's about our children. It's about the children of future Heartbroken Mothers. It's about those mothers and the doctors and nurses caring for them. It's about making a difference with my words. It's been happening, and I am daring myself to make it happen on a much larger scale, but I am scared out of my mind. (See Truth #2)

For the past two weeks, my brain has been going a mile a minute trying to keep up with the expansion of my tiny little blog post. For the past two weeks, this crazy game of Truth or Dare has been swirling around in my head.

I have no idea where this is going to go.  I have no idea what the end result will be or how I will get there.   All I know is that I can't believe I have even gotten this far so fast.  I can't believe the impact my words are making.  I am both humbled and inspired. 

This is so much more complicated than 5th grade!

This is the image Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep created for me when they shared my post on their page.

I'm Down with STG. Yeah, You Know Me!

Bonus points for you if you caught the Naughty by Nature reference in the title.

Well, another Weight Loss Wednesday is upon us! Where does the week go?

This week has definitely been very eventful in my life, and it is directly related to my blog. New and exciting things are happening due to my "A Letter to My Doctor" Post. That news will be shared at another time, but let me just say it is BIG and I am amazed!

So, what are my STGs this week?
Setbacks: I did not excercise. Not once. I am super ashamed of this. I really need to get on it. Even though it's really hard to work it in with watching Piper and Mike not getting home until 10:30pm, I realize I am just using those things as excuses. I'm being lazy and I need to stop it. When I got myself healthy a few years ago, I bought myself new running shoes and I made a committment to my shoes. That may sound weird, but it worked. I told my shoes I would put them on and use them every day, and I did. I dropped 30 pounds in six months. So, I think that is what I need to do again. I guess it's time to go shoe shopping. Darn!!

Triumphs: I have been really good with my food choices. I have been working on eating healthy foods that also fill me up. Breakfasts and lunches have been great successes. I've been making sure I focus on getting enough protein. Breakfast might be a multi-grain waffle with peanut butter or greek yogurt with berries. Lunch is often a salad with berries, turkey, and cheese, and some crackers on the side. Sometimes, I pack a low calorie soup. Dinner is harder, and that brings me to my goals for this week.

Goals: Obviously, my goal is to excercise. I need to get myself in a routine that gets me out and moving. I will get my four days in before next Wednesday. Another goal I have is to actually get myself in gear to meal plan. I already organized my pantry so I know exactly what I have. I need to organize a list of healthy meals for the week, shop for what's needed, and actually make those meals. No more, "I'm tired, let's order Chinese." I have a cache of recipes to use, I just need to use them. I am always open to more meal ideas, though, so if you have any, feel free to share!

How did you do this week? Have you joined our Facebook group yet? We are up 8 members from last week! It's great for daily support.   My Ipad is not letting me link to the group, but you can search for One Pink Balloon: Blogging Away the Boody!

Amazed and Astounded

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the response to my post "A Letter to My Doctor". In less than two weeks, it has over 46, 000 views. It has been shared by several organizations on Facebook including the pages of the Global Alliance to Prevent Prematurity and Stillbirth, Kaleb Kares, The Sweet Pea Project, Brona: A Memior, The Florida chapter of the TEARS Foundation, and Footprints on Our Hearts. I have been contacted by countless doctors and L/D nurses who would like to share the letter with their staff, and I have been asked to speak at a few places as well. The Florida chapter of TEARS would like me to help them start a blog. Last, but certainly not least, I have been contacted by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. That development is still under wraps, but I am really excited about it!

It is amazing how quickly your life can change in such a short amount of time. Clearly, my life has been drastically altered since that Monday afternoon in February of 2013, and since that terrible day, I've known I needed to keep Kenley's memory alive. It is my job as a mother to make sure my children make their mark on this world. Since Kenley isn't here to do that, it is my job to do it for her.

When I first lost her and began looking around for support, I found several moms who had started non-profit organizations on behalf of their child. Cherishing the Journey, The Brianna Marie Foundation, and Avery's Light are all charities started by the women I have met on this road. I often thought about how I would start a non-profit. What could I do? What would my organization take care of? I knew I was passionate about being vocal about stillbirth and getting information into the hands of the people who can make a difference during delivery, but I didn't know where to even start.

When Allison asked me to give my input to the presentation for the VCOM medical students, I jumped on it. This was my chance to educate a few people about a cause close to my heart. When I shared it to my loss group, the response was immediate and intense. It struck a chord with everyone. They shared it with their friends. I posted it on my page and it was shared over a dozen times in an hour, and then it just spiraled outward. In my little corner of the world, I went "viral", and I still cannot believe it.

Maybe I don't have the organizational skills to start a charity, but I do have the skills to write. With the help of social media, my message has been seen by over 46,000 people. 46,000 people have been touched by my words. 46,000 people will bring that message into their own circle. I am in awe of what has been happening since that first upload.

To keep the momentum going, and to add to the impact, I am in the process of creating a video of the original post. I have recorded myself reading the letter and have asked for, and been recieving pictures of, our sweet babies. As of right now, I have over 60 women who have emailed me their pictures. Some are ones I know and some are complete strangers who read the letter and heard about the project. 60 families (and counting) who have been touched by infant loss who just want their story told and their baby remembered. So, I will tell it. I will remember them. I will make sure this message finds its way into the hands of the people who need to hold it, and into the hearts of the people who need to feel it.

This is what I can do. This is what I will do. I will do it for them...I will do it for her.
Kenley Evelyn Wood, my dear, darling Little Ninja, this is your mark.