Oh, It's Her Again

I have become a thorn in the side of many a newsfeeds.  I realize this.  At first, I was worried that I was posting too much about my loss.   I thought maybe people would get sick of hearing about the causes I was suddenly so immersed in - and worse - they would get sick of hearing about Kenley.   That was the worst thing I could imagine - desensitizing people to my daughter.  "Oh great, here she is again.  Posting some random link or picture."   I was careful not to be that person who posts every five minutes.  (We all have one of those Facebook friends.  The ones who post so often, we just keep scrolling past whatever random new thing they feel so compelled to share with us.)   I didn't want to be that person because I didn't want anyone to ever scroll past any of my Kenley posts.  I didn't want what I had to say about loss to lose it's sparkle from overuse.  And I also didn't want to be a constant downer in everyone's online lives.   "Oh Yay, Sarah got married!  Hey look at this adorable picture of a kitten smelling a flower!  Oh, yeah...Rebecca's daughter is still dead."   

I'm not stupid.   I suspect some of my posts, links, and pictures have been selected to be "hidden" from some people's newsfeeds based on a few clues I have put together.  I also know for a fact that certain people who used to be on my friends list are no longer there.  One person actually had the "good manners" to tell me in advance of my defriending due to it was all "just too much sadness." for them.   Ok, fine.  If you don't want to be a part of this, don't.   But, by no means expect me to hold you in the same regard as I did in the past.  (This paragraph is fairly moot since none of those people are going to read this, but it needs to be said)

For those of you who are either still my Facebook friend or who have "liked" the Kenley's Krew facebook page, you already know a few things I have become passionate about.  The most pressing one at the moment is the Return to Zero pledge drive.   The details of that can be read here. (While you're at it, go ahead and share it!)   If you have already pledged to see the movie, thank you!   If you've shared the link with your friends, thank you, thank you.   Keep it up.  We have until midnight on Thursday to get all of our pledges in for the first round.   Depending on the results, we will either get to move closer to distribution or will be shut down. 100,000 pledges are needed.   At the time of this post, 73,000 have been collected.   I am working very hard to make sure this movie gets released.  Yes, it might make people "uncomfortable" to see.   Yes, it might be disturbing.   It will definitely be emotional.   But, the story needs to be told.  The public needs to know how it feels to walk in our shoes.  

I have finally come to the point where I just don't care what people think about me or what I choose to write about, support, or post.   I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable or squirmy.   I don't care if they are tired of seeing it on their newsfeed or of hearing me talk about it.  I'm going to do it anyway.  What I have to say is important.   It is important to me, to the people who care about me, and to all of the women I have met or have yet to meet on this journey I have been forced to take.  It is important to the millions of women around the world who share this path with me.   Maybe not my exact personal details are important to them, but the fact that I am willing to be vocal about my loss - that I will not be silenced just because talking about the death of my daughter makes other people upset.  If it makes someone upset, good!   I'm glad it makes you upset.  It should make you upset.  I'm pretty darn upset myself!   And I have no intention of shutting up about it.