Sometimes, when I see another mother in public with her child, I immediately scrutinize her every move. What would I have done differently? What would I have done better? How is it that she is awarded the privilege of having a living child, and not me? When I catch a glimpse of a baby being cradled lovingly in her mother's arms, or pushed in a stroller, I think to myself that I should have that. That baby should be mine, not hers. Lady Justice clearly was on a smoke break the day Kenley died. Someone owes me a baby!
The greatest bane of my existence right now is Kim Kardashian's daughter. I am so jealous that Kim Kardashian has a baby and I don't that I seriously cannot see straight! My judgmental side rears its ugly head and terrible, catty thoughts spin through my mind. Thoughts I am not willing to put into print because they are really not nice at all - and they are also undeserved. She's probably not a bad person, but I can't help but think why does she get to have a healthy baby and I don't? The rumor is that her daughter's name will start with a K as well. It's enough to make me scream. Imma let you finish, Kim, but I had the best baby of all time!
I totally get it! Snooki had her baby a few months after we lost Avery and every time I would hear about her I seethed. It's such a slap in the face and a big WTF to the universe!
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. And add those feelings to the fact that I want the parent to acknowledge my pain...I want them to see my empty arms and realize my baby died and feel guilty that they have what I want.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin announced her pregnancy on Facebook a few months after we lost our son. I was in Canada, traveling on business. All alone. My cell phone on roam. And NO ONE thoguht to warn me. When I called my mom, screaming, she said that they didn't want to make me feel bad and no one knew what to say. And my cousin is having a boy, just like our son. She hasn't delivered yet. I can't bear the thought and am - quite honestly - glad she lives several states away.