Run Kenley Run Playlist #3: Fight Song

This song was released in February 2015, two years after Kenley died.   It came out at a time when I had finally shaken off the fog of the early days, had struggled past simple daily survival, and was ready to actually start LIVING again.  But living is harder than it looks.   Living involves more than just getting through the day.  It involves planning ahead and trusting those plans will come true.  It involves enjoying as many moments as you can as they are happening without being constantly distracted by grief.   Living means letting go of pain so you can hold on to something else.

At that time in my life, this song made be believe I could make my way into calmer waters - that I could finally - finally - start being a person again.

2015 was also the year I posted "A Letter to My Doctor" and Kenley's reach started to go global.   The tiny stone I dropped into my own internet pond created ripples across the loss community bigger than I could ever have thought possible, and I am grateful every day to have the opportunity to be heard and to educate.

This song makes me feel powerful.   Even though I am just one person, I can make a difference.   I can make changes in my community and my life with my words and my actions.   I can overcome the constant pull of grief and live a life that has purpose again, even if that purpose is something I'd never imagined it would be.  I can take back my life - my body - my joy.   

"I am not what happened to me.  I am what I choose to become" -Carl Jung

I choose to become myself again.   This is never going to be an easy road.  I'm going to have to work hard and fight to keep myself on track.   That's just the way it is.   But, it's okay.    I've still got a lot of fight left in me. 

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I'm alright song (Hey!)
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

No I've still got a lot of fight left in me