Brave

In the three months since my life split into two, I have met several completely amazing women.  All of them at different points in their journey.  All of them hurting with the same pain.  A wonderful thing about human nature is that we come together in times of trouble.   Heartbreak unites us.  Those who share a common thread are tied together.   When I know another woman has experienced this tragedy, I immediately want to reach out my hand to her.  I want to give her hugs and be her friend.   I am not the only one.  This seems like a very common attitude.   We hold each other very dear.    All of us.  All the time.  I've called it a Sisterhood before and it is.  We are sisters, walking this path hand in hand in hand, pulling each other forward, holding each other up, allowing each other to rest.

As you know, this journey is not an easy one.   It's an uphill battle every day, but we do it.  Sometimes because we want to - but mostly because we have to.   Move forward or die trying.  Every day, each one of us wakes up and faces her day without her child.   Every day, each one of us goes through hundreds of mundane tasks that should be easy, but are not because nothing is routine anymore.  Every day, each one of us pulls herself up by her bootstraps and goes out into a world that doesn't understand her.  Every day, each one of us has so much to say, but can't always say it because not everyone wants to hear it.

Let me tell you, it takes courage to live a life like this. When our children died, our lives lost all meaning.  We felt we had no purpose, no direction, no future.  We had to rebuild from the ground up.  Everything.  All of it.  We want to live our lives the same way everyone else does, but our perspective has completely shifted and we see the world in a totally different light.   And we know that the world sees us differently too.   We see the look in your eyes when we talk about our children.  We see you flinch when we bring up our pregnancy or a memory we have of our life just before loss.   We see you waiting in shifty uneasiness to see if we are going to make it through this conversation with you without tears.  We are well aware of our scarlet letter, and we are all doing the very best we can each and every day to wear it with dignity and pride, despite the various attitudes toward it.    We face the world with deep breaths, with our shoulders squared, and our heart on our sleeve.

To my sisters in loss, to the proud mothers of Hunter, Avery, Keelin, Josie, Brooke, Tyler, Matthew, Zoe, Ava, Gabriel, Joseph, Jack, Olivia, Janessa, and Declan,  I'd like to say you are my hope.   You help me see that life without my daughter is hard, but not impossible.   You inspire me to continue with my efforts to find meaning in the meaningless.   To those I have met and those I have yet to meet, you are so brave, whether you think you are or not.   Just the fact that you are here, reading this, living without your baby, proves it.

On a day when you don't want to get out of bed because it's too much, think about the rest of us who are fighting the same fight.   You are our sister and we love you, whether we've met you or not.  We fight with you.  When you feel you can't walk, we will hoist you on our shoulders.  When you feel lost and alone, we will hold your hand in the dark.   When you can't find your voice, we will speak for you, and we will say what you need us to say.   So, get up, put on your gloves, and show the world how brave you really are!

Brave

by, 

Sara Bareilles

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do

And they settle ‘neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down

By the enemy

Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing

Bow down to the mighty

Don’t run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence

Won’t do you any good

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave